Overcome Anxiety, Depression, & Negative Beliefs With Danita Young || WBWL Ep109

Danita Young is the CEO of boot bands, a world renowned fitness equipment brand, but also a stress and anxiety coach, and cognitive behavioral therapist.

She’s helped 100s of people to find clarity, purpose, and fulfillment while overcoming their anxiety, depression, and negative beliefs.

The conversation is saturated with amazing tips and strategies that almost anyone will benefit from.

For a free 15-minute consultation, use the link here to speak with Danita: https://callwithdanita.com/

To being the best version of you,

Dr Jay

Transcript

0:02

All right guys. Welcome to the Won Body Won Life podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Jason Won, lifestyle physical therapist. I like to teach people how to get stronger, become pain-free again, and also in order to change your mindset in terms of being consistent with exercise, looking, not looking always at the past, but always looking forward. Today I have a very special guest and as you can see, align with Nita. I love the title, and her name is Nita Young. She is a. Cognitive behavioral therapist. She's also an NLP. And also she is an anxiety coach. She has gone through many walks of life from high amounts of success to the very lows, and I'm sure that a lot of people, including myself, can say that life is not all about I. Dandelions and flowers, right? There's gonna be these turmoils, these things that can lead people in a very destitute place, or some people can become resilient and be a product of coming out of turmoil. And I think that tan is one of the perfect people to share that. So Dania, welcome in. How are you doing today? I'm doing great. Thanks for having me Tan. I'm very blessed to have you. And I know we had a conversation. I always say we never. I never just invite anybody onto the podcast. I wanna invite people that I vet for that I feel can provide immense value, but also provide a very powerful message. And so why don't you just share with people a little about yourself tell them what you do for a living, but also I know you have a very successful background as well in various facets. I would love to hear about that as well. Yeah, absolutely. I would say, to really tell somebody's story, it's. It's really through the highs to the lows, right? Like you only get to a high and until you actually experience some sort of lows and you don't think that going through life, you actually think that I should just be lucky, or I'm a good person. I should just naturally get this stuff. You don't realize that the polarities of life is really where things are at. So if you're experiencing something in your life right now where you feel like, man, I'm just getting kicked to the ground over and over again. It just shows that there's really something that you're trying to manifest or be or inspire in the world. And that's just an overview as far as wherever you might be at. But my journey, I was, being an entrepreneur is probably one of the hardest things I faced in my life. You go to work and you don't know if you're getting paid, so you really wake up with panic every single day and fear of, can I actually make this work? You're facing all fears of failure, fear, fears of all your limiting beliefs what's coming up? What's causing this? So as I was facing my journey simultaneously, I was opening up the company, booty bands.com. And what I experienced at the very beginning stages was extreme highs and extreme lows, like really high, really up. You're really feeling like you're on top of the world one minute, and then you're kicked down almost 24 hours away from bankruptcy the next minute. And you're just like, your identity. Just really, when you don't have an identity, your identity is just going with that whole experience. Kind of the same thing when you mentioned we're not our diagnosis, right? Like we identify with a diagnosis. Like to me, I was identifying with this brand and thinking it was something I was. And through our journey of life, we're gonna find that it's going to completely rip apart our identity so that we become our most authentic self. And that's where I truly believe that real authenticity comes. This thing called an ego. But for me it was just really walking and helping people through the weight loss world originally is where I come from. I started off more as like a as your bikini competitor, like National Qualified Bikini competitor and was like, wow, a lot of people are starving themselves and not getting enough protein in and. Realizing they really didn't have the right tools. And so initially I went into it thinking they just need new tools and then they're fine. But I was blindsided as a coach realizing that, no, it's actually a lot more about consistency and motivation. I. And procrastination. That was really more of the main problem. And they were really good for three weeks, but then they would fall off for three weeks, so there was that issue that I got to really actually see was more of the problem. And and I got to see that most people know how to eat healthy. Most people know how to work out. They already know what. Not on that regard, but they just something energetically was holding them back. And through that discovery, I saw that through weight loss, you had to remove the energetic weight first in order for the physical weight to then come off, and I'm talking sustainably. So as I was experiencing this high, low, high, low business, I got to see my clients were also experiencing high, low, high, low with fitness. So it was kinda like, what's the commonality here? This is really interesting. So as I learned that it was the energetic behind it, right? It's the fears, it's only beliefs, it's stress, it's the anxiety, it's the, trauma, it's the loss. It's all these different things that if we don't work through those. We try to just shove those down, then energetically we're carrying this wheat and we're trying to just then go into escapism to the extremes. So now as I've been able to find this sustainability and help others through the sustainability process, which truly is more control, I found that it was very similar through. Addiction through marriages, through anxiety, through depression, through weight loss success, all had a common denominator. So I thought that was the most simplest way to really bring on today and just bring things into simplicity of one that's trying to reach their level of success. Yeah, I like that. I know that, I know that people deem you as an anxiety coach, and it seems like even in your own life, you're not just a, you're not just certified, you're somebody that actually has been through it, right? Being a very successful company with booty bands, and then when you told me that, I was like, yeah, I have some of them in my gym right now, so I was already a fan of your stuff. And now then you go through the highs and lows. There's Hey, you buy new inventory. Then all of a sudden, you're not selling as much as you need to. I know that you. You wanted to be on this podcast. You had a powerful SSA and you talked about the freeway analogy. This analogy of like when you're driving forward is to always be facing forward.'cause if you don't face forward you're not looking at the traffic in front of you, you're gonna go into, you're gonna get into a crash. So a lot of people that you, especially the people that we treat, which is people with chronic pain and injuries that they can't resolve or they die, they. They identify with their diagnoses. They're continuously looking backwards at their past experiences. They say, Hey, I failed this. I failed this. What makes me think that this next thing's gonna work out? I have hurt myself many times. I. I don't think that I should second guess. I think I should second guess myself and not do this thing. So they always leave. There's living in a state of uncertainty. Can you share a little bit light on how that kind of relates to some of the people that you've helped, especially with let's say severe anxiety, the kind of people that no matter how much you tell them, they're to look forward, they're always looking backwards. You at the mirror behind them. Yeah, I feel like there's a level of control or a false sense of safety when we're able to look more at our past than our future.'cause the future, if you really look at it as a full of unknowns a lot of opportunities, but a lot of mystery. And our brains actually don't like that. Especially the basal ganglia. Basal ganglia is a part of the brain that loves familiarity. And so anything that's not familiar, it likes to resist against that. And it. You, it's just a part of your brain that's stuck into a survival mechanism. And then once you realize that if you don't gain control over your brain is gonna have control over you. And then you're gonna find yourself stuck in that groundhog day is is what I like to call it. But yeah, as far as an individual that is stuck in that way of looking in the past. I always bring individuals to this analogy. I say, what's your greatest accomplishment in life? And they'll tell me, oh, I graduated college, or, I got my master's degree, or I was able to make my real estate license. Or, I rated number one for 20 years in real estate or whatever, your event in life. And I say, great. So when you imagine from the very beginning, very end of that event, was it a straight line? And every time, it was never a straight line. I said, okay, so what was it, Zig? Is a zigzag. So what that means is we don't naturally wanna go to a zigzag. That means that we go to a point until it's not working, and then we course correct which call Pivot. And then you course correct again. And then you course correct. So we're going into this place called The Unknowns. That's the future. In order for make things to become an achievement or an accomplishment of any sorts. And that's applicable to somebody that's experiencing a chronic illness, and that's somebody that's experiencing entrepreneurship to marriage, to what you know, alcoholism, whatever. It's that you're facing. You're experiencing your future self, which is in the unknown. And so I love Dr. Joe Dispenza. If anybody knows him, he's a neuroscientist that really talks about how to get comfortable in the unknowns and says it's required in order to get your future self and to gain control over this version of you you're dreaming of. And so if somebody were to come to me and say, I can't overcome this chronic illness, I would let'em know then you're right. They don't like. They don't. Alright. But I'm gonna be honest, if you're saying you can't, you gonna prove that correctly, you'll be forever. And so I like to give people the hard truth is that. If you continue to keep saying that, then you will be stuck. However, the opposite of that is fake positivity. I have a client that said when I say that I can, it feels like a lie. And I say then you're right. It'll be a lie. They're like, damn the truth here. Can I outta this? And I said that's the unknown. That's being curious and being to. If you close yourself up thinking you've tried it all then you'll be right. And so you really have to be in that place of exploration. And so my thing is that I recommend how people do that is choose a word that allows you to get excited about your future of unknowns. My word is. So anytime I'm sitting in that moment of I dunno what's on the other side, or could this be real? Could I overcome this diagnosis? Could I overcome this? Can I be the future me? Anytime I'm in that unknowns, I ask open questions and I get curious and I say. And you put yourself then into that expanded, excited place rather than a fearful state of the unknowns in the future. Wow. I feel like I can take away so many points from that, and hopefully people will remind that what you just said over and over again. I mean it is absolutely true. It's much easier to stay exactly where you are. Like it's so easy because that's your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is identifying as your chronic illness, letting people know that you're suffering. And maybe you love the attention of what people give to you. When you're saying like, I'm chronically ill, right? And whoever's dealing with anxiety, they, they like, it is not to say that they don't want change. It's just that they're too afraid for change, right? They're not willing to step outside of their comfort zone in order to see that. Big analogy I always use, I even used to have a poster board of this when I first started my entrepreneurial journey, right? Going from corporate physical therapy into my online practice. I. It was a, this just this huge mountain and the quote on it was, the hardest climb leads to the best views, right? If you go to Hawaii, I'm sure you have like d in different places, there's this like really treacherous hike. Apparently a lot of people die in Oahu on doing this, and they don't even allow people to go on it. And it's like you're literally on like the cuff, like you're literally on this bridge where like you're walking and just step one direction, you can fall off, step another direction, you can fall off and literally die. And yet you stay on this path, you might trip up here and there, but all of a sudden when you get to your, to the final destination, it's like the most amazing view of everything. And in the same fashion is those people with, the greatest accomplishments. And you're like how did you achieve X accomplishment? Was it a straight line and no, it was a bunch of zigzags. It was a bunch of pivots. Sometimes you had to take steps backwards in order to move forward. Sometimes you. You injured yourself w with whatever that you're on, and you had to come back from that injury, come back from the perilous journey. So I just love the way that you explained that. Now for those that let's say there's a book and I think you may, maybe you've heard of this book, but it's Magic by Rhonda Byrne, and it talks about manifestation, right? Manifesting the life that you want. Now, if you manifest. If you manifest like negativity in your life, it is going, nothing's gonna change or things are just gonna stay exactly how they are. But being excited about the journey and imagining the life that you could have oftentimes can compel people to take those actions. So I'm just curious on like the types, the thing I'm genuinely curious about that I think will provide a lot of value is the types of exercises or the types of strategies, like when people are actually working with you. What are some of the first steps for them to actually start to, manifest, manifest a different version of themselves or manifest the goals and actually get there with certainty? Yeah. I would say the, what I like about starting something is that you can track and measure it because this is a very unknown. Which is your internal self, right? Your energetic weight that you're carrying within yourself. And so to me, tracking and measuring it where you're able to see where you're currently at. To know that if you do make a milestone, that we can celebrate that. And so that would be the first thing is being like anytime we go down a transformation, whether if it, let's say it's fitness, we get a track and measure to actually see that the body fat's going down and the muscles going up. There we go. Then we can celebrate these wins. And that's so needed for anybody in a transformation. Because when I went into the world initially of manifestation, I had no idea if I was on the right path or not. I woke up every day trying to be like. Am I doing it correctly?'cause I'm still in Groundhog Day, like how do I know what's working? You are really in this gray fog for a little bit. And so the way that I like to track and measure and it, this is specifically that I do for anxiety or depression, or it could be alcohol. Really works all across the board that I've worked with. But I would say the first one is on a one to 10 scale, just rate your belief systems like, I am worthy, I'm valuable, I'm important, I'm good enough I matter, I'm lovable. And there's two parts to that because you can have the conscious thoughts like, yeah, I am, but then you can have the subconscious of I don't feel that way though. And so you want to get to the subconscious, which is 95% of you. So think of the thought underneath the thought, and that's gonna be the real thought. And so then once you have your rating there, then go to find out what your frequency is at it's. Undeniable that we all have a measure frequency about us, of the emotions we feel. So if I generally feel fear and grief and shame, why don't be a very low frequency overall?'cause those are really heavy emotions and even though I can't see that. We can feel that from somebody, and that's actually in physics. We can actually measure that. There's a literal measurement of a field around someone either for pushing people away or for magnetizing people to us. It's really gonna be determined on that. So then going into the, what frequency are you? Then the third one I like to use is like, where's your nervous system? Because that just determines what state you are in. You're either going to be in that parasympathetic, which is the expansive state. Or you're in the sympathetic nervous system, which is the contracted state. And that's gonna determine a lot of your physical ailments. So a lot of people come to me and have physical ailments. Of heart palpitations or dizziness or pain that's undescribable. Nobody can figure out where the pain is coming from or, digestion issues and get, I could stay here for days that doctors can't understand where it originally came from. They're like. I don't know, but look up tension myositis syndrome. Basically what happens is when the body's tense is when that state of the sympathetic nervous system is going to contract the vascular system, which makes the blood pressure go up or it's going to make the lungs inflate less. And so you're not gonna be getting enough oxygen creating the dizziness, or you're gonna be having less oxygen within the muscle. So it's creating that tension myositis syndrome causing pain within the body that. It doesn't make any sense to anybody. So we stay in these chronic places. And so those would be the three main tests to find out where, initially, where you're at. Because to me, how do you get to a how until you understand the why, the powerful. And I read I think probably read the same book, MINDBODY Connection by John Sarno, where he talks a lot about tension myositis syndrome and how. People have this, I guess I, I've always explained it as people have an emotional beaker and they have a symptom beaker, right? And so emotions is eight ounces, then your symptoms are eight ounces too. However, if you outlet your emotions, which is like talking with your friends, potentially you're lowering that emotional beaker because you're able to outlet that with to somebody. That's probably where you come into play, where. People can outlet things to you and then they can re reduce that anxiety, right? But however, if you let the emotions boil over, it spills into the physical speaker and therefore that's where TMS or tension Myositis syndrome where people, their emotional tension starts to manifest itself as physical symptoms. So I love that. Another thing that we both agree on is, it's tracking. Yeah, that, that's a huge one because you're taking things that are somewhat subjective, like I'm in pain, or I'm in fear, I'm anxiety. And a lot of times it feels very overwhelming and very consuming to the point where no matter where you go in the house, like Anxiety Cloud follows you. And by tracking, by, by measuring things and making the subjective more objective, it makes you, it allows you, and also even my clients, to have more justifiable decision and feel like they're a little bit more in control. You can put quantities to things and we can mathematize things. So all that I'm in, in total agreement with there is a book that I've been reading. I've been telling my wife about it, and I'm sure that you can hit on this too. It's a book called Happier and it's about like fulfillments and how people that are anxious, or even people that are seemingly are, that are unhappy. Unhappy is usually associated with, think of what unhappy is, synonymous to depression, anxiety, things that you're an expert at. One of the things that they talk about was when people are on these very perilous journeys and we're, when they're hitting these very. Emotional lows is that a lot of times they perceive that the work that they're doing, whatever aforementioned goal that they have, that they're not even really enjoying the process, right? They're just thinking about the goal. So when once they hit the goal, they're always focused on the goal. Let's say they hit that goal. After that there's this huge emotional high, but then they just go back to their current. Negative emotional state because they hit the goal versus the those that they feel happy in almost every stage of the mountain. They feel happy. And that, that's where you hit on that too, where you enjoy the process, you enjoy the zigzags, right? And you're like, I'm thankful for the journey that I'm on because I'm trying to aim for this goal. And the goal is to always be. Larger goals and at the end of it, so can you describe that to some of our viewers in terms of how even despite them zigzagging that in which they can enjoy the entire journey of, let's say, overcoming anxiety or some overcoming some sort of illness. Yeah, I think it's a big shift of, I think the most powerful thing we can do is really take ourself out of the black and white thinking that we've all been programmed to do. Our brains are like, I mean we, I think it's 5% we're actually really utilizing of our brains and we get lodge and stuck into that black and white thinking. But perspective shifting is such a fascinating thing. Like you get to realize, oh my gosh, that. How little do I really know in this world? There really is so many other tools that I haven't, even a book I haven't read yet, or a person I haven't met yet. A perspective that literally opened me up or a realization that I've been living alive this whole time, or like just all these cool realizations. But as far as the word happiness. I look at it as for me, in my experience in my life, it was a carrot on a stick that I was chasing with this never ending thing of maybe it's my business or maybe it's my relationship, or maybe it's a kid, or maybe it's like, what? Something outside of me. But we realize that's an internal emotion. That's something that is actually found internally because if we continue to wanna chasing it outside, then it's. It's a never ending. It's a, I don't, you can't actually grasp it. Like you can grasp it for a moment, but then it goes away again. And so for me, I had to really change that perspective and go, how can I actually find happiness now? So that becomes my emotional home. That no matter what it is that I get in my life is now magnetic towards that because we know like energy attracts like energy. So to me, I worked so much harder than what I should. I was working 80 hours a week pushing and forcing and trying and I got to, I need to like type of desperation in my life proving energy. And then once you just turn it back, you actually lean back, sit in your chair and go, I don't have to. And then you get to see you become magnetic. People are like, whoa, I wanna be. I wanna be confident like you. How do I be up like you? How do I be, how do I get my business to be as successful as you? And you just go, stop trying. So effing hard. And that's really hard for people that have been conditioned in the societal upbringing that we are at, as we've all been taught. If you work hard, you'll be able to make it. I worked really freaking hard, but it led me to 24 hours away from bankruptcy and homelessness and desperation. I'm so confused. I'm a good person, and I worked really hard, but I ended up making a lot of really dumb decisions and really out of alignment decisions because. I was operating on, I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy, I'm not deserving. I don't have value. I have to prove myself. So it was a desperation. And so there's so many analogies we can have fun with it. But one example is I tell this one all the time. People laugh at it, but if you go to, let's say you go to a bar, right? And you're single, and you have, this you're a guy, so I'll just put it into a female context, and you have a girl coming to you and she is like desperation, wanting to get married and have kids with you, with the first day she met you. You're gonna be like, what's wrong with you? You don't even know who I am. But she's so desperate. Her actions are escapisms or extremes. Just because she wants so desperately to have a family, let's say. Yeah. And so of course she's gonna keep getting people to push her away even though she's trying so hard to get the things she wants. But instead, if you find a girl that's like. Confident and happy. And she's just sitting in the chair and she's I don't need anything in life. I'm freaking happy. We're naturally gonna be magnetized to that. We're gonna be like, Hey, can you tell me why you're so freaking happy and you don't need anything and you're just drinking water over here? And then she's gonna say,'cause happiness is within, I don't need it. And so there's a whole level of shift. So there's so many examples that we can use in different parts of life, right? But that would be the in my. Experience of world where happiness really is. That's amazing. I love that analogy. And. Again the book that comes up a lot is Magic by Rhonda Byrne that when you are going to emit negative energy you are, there's gonna be a lot more things. Whether it's like things actually start negatively happening to you, or like what manifesting is that when you actually start attracting the people that you want and the things that you want, and you start to. Think and act accordingly is that actually things start happening better to you, or at least at the minimum. You start focusing a lot more on the positives, and then when the negatives do hit you, they don't hit you as hard, they don't hit you like Anil. It hits you as in I'm very thankful that these negative things that have happened to me because without the challenges of life. Then I wouldn't feel as fulfilled right there. Nobody says that the hero's journey that'd be silly to think that the hero's journey is just like one straight trajectory towards success. Is that the hero's journey? Like there you want the perils, you want the things that happen to you because that's what makes it feel so much better at the end of the tunnel. And I've, I think in terms of anybody's life, that if you're dealing with anxiety. Ailments, illnesses, whatever's going on in your life that you feel negative about is again, think about how you can switch the narrative towards being thankful for a lot of the, the struggles and the rocks that were being thrown at you. Because without that, if you just had one straight trajectory towards success, it would not feel as fulfilling, right? So that's why God and whoever higher beings are, that is why we are on this earth, is to overcome these anxieties and some of the things that happen to us. I'm sure that you can hit on the next question that I have, which is purpose. Purpose and people that live, that want to live a purpose-driven life. I think initially, just to tell you about myself and when I think I went through the same things as you Danita, where when I first started my business during the pandemic. There were months where I'd be like, oh shoot. Got my first sale. Great. And then there was months where oh then the pandemic happened and boom, everyone got scared. Nobody wanted to spend anything. No matter how good my services were, it was like, am I even cut out for this? Do I have to go back to my normal nine to five job? And I was depressed. I think I got pale. I think I lost 14 pounds of muscle. It's horrible. I couldn't even leave my bedroom. And my wife was like fearful for my. For my mental health. But then I started thinking about if I really focus on the financial aspects, I think what I'm attracting is just money, right? So like negative things, like not making sales hits you a lot harder than it actually should, when you should be still thankful for the fact that I have a roof on top of my head. I have a beautiful wife and I have a very important skill that I wanna share with people, which is helping people with pain. So I'm curious on. Do you use somewhat of like how purpose can be the thing that kind of drives them away from their anxieties or like how would you use purpose for a specific client in this situation? I. Yeah, great question. And yeah, we have a lot of similar beliefs and sometimes I like to debate people, but I can't even debate you over here. We're just too similar over here with as far as our, and that's what's great about it. You realize that success really does have a certain structure to it. It's great. We don't have to sit and keep tracing this thing, but. To your point of purpose I found it's the same thing as happiness. A lot of people are trying to think of, what is this job that's going to lead me into my greatest purpose? Again, it's not something that's outside of you. So many people are trying to look for this grand, ginormous. Magnificent thing called purpose, when really, actually it's something super subtle and super small inside of you, such as just being a good listener. A good listener can actually make an individual feel seen and heard. If an individual feels seen and heard, they feel safe. If somebody feels safe, they're ready to change. If somebody's ready to change you change their life. That's a massive freaking skillset. Like it's a massive purpose, a gift, and so what I like to do is I have a lesson, I sit down with people and show them what are the compliments that people give you all the time? Oh, that I'm I make them feel comfortable. Is that a gift? Yeah. Now that I think about it, and so sometimes we've been searching on this carrot on a stick, just constantly looking for something outside of us. It's all inside of us this entire time. It really is. And until you get to that moment, you're just like. Boom. Like it hits you where you're just like, what have I been chasing? This thing really does exist inside here. And I find that when I found my gift, it was, I see an individual underneath the shell. I don't see their ego, I don't see their limiting beliefs. I don't see their. Their restrictions in their life or whatever it is. I literally see just them as they are as a perfect human being that's just covered with a bunch of crap. And so my gift is I can see through all that and I can pull out the real version of them really quickly. So when you get to see that your gift is something so small, but yet so freaking powerful. But your point as far as even going back to how do we know it's a good day, if we've never experienced a bad day, you're a thousand percent that we have to go through polarities in life. If you're trying to be one of the greatest successful, accomplished individuals, then you're going to have to experience, its opposite for you to even know what that is. That was a big realization for me because I wanted to impact the world. And so here I am going through suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety and homelessness and just complete rock bottom basement to rock bottom. There's, by the way, there's basements to rock bottom you guys. I'm just letting you know. Okay? And once you get there. I kept asking God, like, why am I here? Why am I here? And he goes you wanted to impact the world, right? And I said, yes, I do. I wanna impact the world. Why am I here? And he goes, how can you impact the world? You can't relate to anybody to pull them out. Oh, touche. I guess it was all, I guess it was all actually very purposely driven that I needed experience, what it felt like. So that when I have a client and they tell me their moments, I'm like, oh my gosh, I've been there. I know what that feels like. Let's. And I think one of the greatest things is nothing. Certificates means nothing. It's the experience that you've been through in your life is going to the most value you can give someone. Where is value? That is money. That is success, that is purpose, your experience is so key. And so I, I love this quote. It was somebody said, if you ever feel like a pile of mush with a blanket wrapped around you, perfect. That's exactly the phase of a butterfly that goes through the chrysalis phase where it's like literally wrapped up in a blanket and it's turned into a mush. I was like, oh my gosh. That's exactly where it, yeah. Yeah. I think to summarize that, I think the biggest point, and I'm thankful that you. You said that because sometimes I forget about it too, was a lot of times we're looking for purpose, but we're not looking inside instead of we're looking for like external gratification or we're looking for things outside of it. The an analogy for entrepreneurs out there is we're looking for the Rolexes, we're looking for the watches. And that's like our status, right? So once I gain that, that's happiness right there. When in fact the when you really ask the harder questions, I'm like. What am I here for? Or maybe you're asking your friend about what are the compliments, what are the things about me that make that that, why are you my friend? And a lot of times you ask your question, you ask your friend that question over and over again. What? No, but why are we friends? And you start, they actually start to peel the layers of the onion to the point where it's because. You're always there for me when I when my dad was, when my dad was dying. And you start to see like the inner workings of like why people like you. And a lot of times they're, when you're asking your best friend or your mom or whoever, what is your you don't ask them straight up what is my purpose?'cause they're not gonna answer that for you. But when you start to hear the compliments back to you, they peel the layers of the onion for you. And I found this from Simon Sinek. The, a Canadian author, he said, know your why? And he says yeah ask one of your best friends. What are the things about you that, like, why are you guys friends? And they can start to tell you like what you're good at, and what makes you human? Like, why, what is your purpose? And I just, again the fact that you said that instead of looking for the external things that might make us happy. Just start to look more like at the things inside of you, and you'll start to really find that it doesn't matter how many bad things happen to you, that nobody can take away your identity. Nobody can take away the fact that you have a specific driven purpose. And I've said this before too, it's like somebody could be making$20,000 as a janitor. Be perfectly happy cleaning people's toilets and all that and feel absolutely fulfilled. There's this nomad that makes$18,000 on a blog site, and he just connects to various internets, like all over the World Cafe, and he just blogs about his life that he lives in a car and he just goes to different national parks. And yet he is like you could see in his pictures, he's the happiest person in the world. Make making 18 k. Per year. And this is a real story versus these people that are millionaires and billionaires and they are they feel like they're the most destitute people in the world. Like it's amazing. And I think that's because those types of people are looking again, for, again, whether you are really driven by your, like your financial health and deep inside you're actually suffering internally. So I, again I really love this part of the podcast because you really hit on a very powerful point. I guess that kind of goes to my next point around the people that I treat are oftentimes busy moms, right? And I'm sure you've treated moms and dads, and there's this word here everybody knows this perfectionism, right? And they're in this all or nothing mentality. It's like I either have 60 minutes to work out. Or else nothing. And they just sit at home, get on social media, and then there's just this constant battle and this constant guilt of not working out, not taking care of my health, taking care of the kids, not working out more. How do you define, perfectionism? What is the relationship between anxiety and perfectionism? Yeah. Anxiety to me just means tension. I like to simplify anything that's out there because when it gets. Convoluted and complicated, it feels what the heck is this thing? So if I, my visual on anxiety is like you imagine a box and you stick somebody in the box and they have this desire to just be and become and purpose and more and live and fulfilled and all these desires, right? But then the walls of the box is going to be things like fear of failure. Or I'm not worthy, or I don't have enough value, or I've got past loss that I haven't worked through, or, I've got things that the society has. I think society is, so you have these walls built around you, and as those are pushing in. Validating themselves daily.'cause that's what going around the neurological pathway loop so many times is doing is it's validating them. Oh, here's another reason why you're not good enough. Here's another reason why you're not smart enough. Here's another reason why you're a failure. And so when it validates, it just continues to close in every year. Just, and just shrinking. But this other part of you is like. But I hear the podcast from Jason. I know that there's for more and I know I need to be positive and I know I need to be in gratitude. I know I need to push outta this thing. So what they do is they try to push against that. With this thing called gratitude or new beliefs and manifestations. But then that wall's still there and that's, when you think about these, this conflict, these two HEROs coming towards each other is the building of the resistance. And anything that's in resistance, in tension is what's gonna create something called anxiety. Anxiety not exist without tension or resistance. And so that's why I love working with people with anxiety because,'cause I'm like I know how to break the walls. Do you know how to set yourself free? Are you ready? And they're like, yes. Get me outta the walls. And I'm like, okay, da. And all of a sudden they're like, I feel unstoppable. I just, I feel like I just wanna crawl on my rooftop and just start screaming my purpose. And I'm like, you are there. You are there. And I love it because they're just in a box for too. They're meant to change the world. They're meant to be something really big, but the people that are okay being in the box are not meant to be inspirational and it's okay. I call, we have smallies. That's okay. Not everyone needs to, but the people with anxiety are my biggest superheroes in life that just need to be set free. And your point of perfectionism going back and point immediately if that your fear. And then I also would go, there's a belief in there. So I know that there's two walls that's holding that person back. And so what I do is I waste that stuff because you can't skip a past wall. You can't just fake positivity that wall. You can't just manifest that wall away. No. You have to pull those that wall over and you have towards that thing. And once you do, you're gonna find after you face all fears, there's literally freedom on every, I promise you, I swear, I. Whatever you want me to swear? I don't promise a lot. My clients know this. I don't promise until I know something to be so true. And when you face a fear cognitively, you don't have to go through it. Actually technically, physically, but cognitively is, you face it, you'll find on the other side is so much freedom. Truly. And what's great about that is this energetic weight you were holding before all of a. It's almost laughable now is. Failure means stop, give up, never try again the rest of your entire life, the ceiling, and literally have bedsores because, try again. Do you think you can lay in bed the rest of your entire life and never try again? No, because most people, that failure biggest type A, like very hardworking, super strong individuals that's why they have failure actually just really means. You, it just means stop doing the thing you were doing and now it's trying to adjust. What if there was no thing as failure? What would that do to your, you start, the biggest thing is it's not gonna be negative thinking, and it's not gonna be fake positivity, but when you take somebody out of the box of thinking into a complete different perspective, shift changes their world completely. Wow. The quote that I got from Hermo you guys know who Alex Ozzi is?'cause I watch the stuff about mindset and he talks a about business. But one thing that I'll never forget is he says what is learning? And sometimes it's duh. My, my kid learns in schools. Like he, we should know. But when you really, it's very hard to define. And, people will know what learning is. But when you say in, in a way that he said it, he said, learning is. Same environment same behavior versus that, that, and that's maintenance, that's com, that's complacency. That's just staying the same. But what truly learning is like same environment, different behavior. You're continuously trying to uplevel yourself. You're continuing to try to learn from the pivots. Failure wasted success, right? Setbacks are just a part of the equation. You cannot have success unless you've had setbacks, right? And when it comes down to it is when you bring in also like habits and consistency, right? And something that you know all about is that some people they just gotta put in the reps. You just gotta become 1% better daily every single day. Whether you make a mistake or if you go to the gym and all of a sudden you tweak something. Do you just give up and you like just leave the gym? Or do you learn from that experience and you just get back on and say, Hey, I'm gonna learn my body's resilience, my mind's resilient. I'm gonna learn from this experience, tighten up my form, brace my abs harder, right? And start owning that exercise. So I can't speak enough to those perfectionists. And we have to sometimes get, I have to get myself outta that where I. 4.0 GPA student, right? Never hardly make a mistake. And sometimes the parenting, like the parenting around you're so smart. You're so good, right? You get validated for that and all of a sudden, boom you hit this moment in life where you don't feel like you're as smart as you thought you were, that your parents said you were, and all of a sudden now you're going through stage of depression. That happened to me. I'm sure that's happened to you after seeing the highest of success with your company. Going into bankruptcy. I cannot imagine. And I guess I can't imagine that,'cause that's actually happened to me before. But anybody that's a perfectionist just understand that it is a part of the journey to experience these setbacks and these turmoils. But the tho the ones that are resilient, the ones that bounce back from adversity are the ones that are gonna come out on top. This one's a good question. I always ask, and this one's great for you, is that you've been through anxiety, you've been through depression you've been through the lows, is. What is one piece of advice for one form of action that you would give to your younger self if you were to speak to them, let's say 5, 10, 20 years ago? When you, let's say, when you're starting your business, what is that one piece of advice? I would say. Start studying Albert Einstein a lot sooner. Awesome. Yeah, I there's a quote by Albert Einstein that says, everything is energy. That's all there's to it. All you have to do is match the frequency of the reality you want, and you cannot help but get that reality. It's not philosophy, it's physics. And so to me, I spent so long in this like self developmental space and where I really found my success was. The true like real law of like as real as gravity was. Once I really learned that everything is frequency and really learning that the powers within and that's where our frequency's at and that everything magnetizes with that. That like energy attracts like energy. I could have saved at least 20 years on my life for sure if I would've understood that quote. So I would just say. That's amazing. Yeah I can definitely attest to that. I, there's nobody that's perfect. And me as a coach, physical therapy, teaching other people about pain. I go through my own pains. The pains of raising two children the fears and the anxieties of. S saying that, oh, they're when at this stage, they, a lot of your kids prefer mom and I go through these identity things of am I ever gonna be good enough to be just as good as mom? Will they ever love me as much? I. I go through phases of like, when I'm going through that, then all of a sudden my business is going down and all of a sudden I'm less consistent in my workouts. It's it's amazing how one little shift in oh, me being uncertain about my role as a father led to all these other things that started going wrong with my life, right? Or I started to focus on those things. Then once I realized that like I just loved them to death, it doesn't matter who's number one, who's number two, and I'm sure hopefully this can relate to parents too. Is that I really just started to love unconditionally. I just started to spend way more time with my child taking the playgrounds, embrace just every little bit of who they are. Embrace the five senses. I always talk about senses that like, when you wanna be more present, just start thinking about the environment around you start. I. Feeling it? What is your, what does your environment smell like? Does it smell like garbage? Does it smell like flowers? Start tasting what the air tastes like. Right? Ground yourself. What does your feet feel like when you start to engage the five sentence, you become more grounded and less likely to quote unquote, look backwards at the traffic behind you. And I really just start present and all of a sudden, guess what happened? Everything started going well. My role as a father, I was way more positive, way happier. I started to make more money, started to make more sales. I got way more consistent with my workouts and my nutrition. And then, you know what? We're going on vacation tomorrow because I did so well this month that now we're just gonna go take a quick vacation. It's speaking from personal experience on the fact that my own anxieties and the way I perceived my life and the way that I was manifesting it, attracting all these negative electrons and all this negativity. Led to everything in my life, cascading in the wrong direction. And yes, I pivoted by reading more books, listening to your stuff, Nina, I started to just become just a better version of me. I started to become happier and all of a sudden, like I said, that frequency I started to attract the right things in my life. And I think that if you're, I don't know who's listening right now, but whatever you're going through, just understand that the negatives that if you start to let the negatives outweigh the positives, right? It's, you're gonna start attracting more of that to your life, and therefore you're gonna become more anxious, more depressed, and you're gonna dig yourself your own hole. But nonetheless, no matter I can, you can agree, no matter how big the hole is, you can always dig yourself out of it, right? There's no, there's never a point in, there's never a time in your life where you can't say that. Like you can't dig yourself outta the hole. God said this before too. It is God would not tempt you beyond what you can normally bear, right? He will always give you a fighting opportunity to bounce back from adversity and to get back to the things that you want, the things that you wanna mess manifest in your own life. Anyways, de I feel like I took some of your spotlight just now, but to give you back the spotlight, is there any one final message that you would give to. Our viewers right now that would hopefully either one hit home for them, something that they can take home, or two that would compel'em to take the actions necessary for them. Yeah, absolutely. As a gift to listeners, I love to I love to give value to the world because I truly believe that when we give value comes back just as the law of reciprocity. And for me I just like to help people with that tracking and measuring to make it tangible for them so that they can actually see it. And I will leave Jason here a a link that says, call@anita.com. You can just go on there, have a 15 minute call with me and I'll just show you where you're at. And then that will give you such a visual and it'll make sense as to like why things are happening. You'll you'll be like, oh my gosh, no wonder why I'm stuck in this place. And then when you have that, you'll have the system to be like, okay, here's how to break free. Here's the walls. Are technically holding you back from it. So call with anita.com and I'd love to sit down with you guys and give you a free assessment. That's amazing. I would honestly take you up on that, right? If I was hitting the lows and I wasn't the coach Sha, I would definitely be calling it Harvey. And I think that anybody that is listening that has any forms of anxiety, fear related things, distress something that you feel like you can't overcome you're not alone, right? Always never suffer alone. I always say that. That's why, community's here. That's why Denine is here and myself. So again, I'll leave that link in the description so that people can take advantage of that 15 minute consult and trust. I think that Danina is one of the perfect people to to help with at least providing like a roadmap or some sort of strategy to get you moving forward. So with all that said thank you Danina for your time and your expertise on my podcast. And for anybody that's listening right now definitely I'll leave you always with this quote and hopefully this quote hits with everyone is that we only have one body, one life. Make every action you take, the one that makes you a better version of you. So thank you Dina, and hopefully we'll be having more conversation from here. Okay? Absolutely. Thanks. Nice again to have you have me on. Appreciate it.